Dr. Brian Miltenberger

Every day, we have an opportunity to get offended at someone. We need to make sure that we guard our hearts from offense.

Below are notes from Dr. Brian’s series, God is Love,   which will help you to develop in the Agape Love of God and guard yourself from the devil’s trap of offense.

Hebrews 12:14 NIV   Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. We must choose to be peacemakers and not trouble makers

1.   It is better to say, “I’m sorry” and swallow your pride even if you think the other person may be in the wrong.  Fight for PEACE.

2.   We have to learn how to not make a big issue out of small issues.  Learn to DROP IT!

3.   We can survive even when we really believe we are right, and the other party is in the wrong.

4.   Avoid keeping records of other people’s wrongs!  Do not gossip, PRAY!

5.   We need to swallow our pride and do whatever it takes to get along with others.

6.   We DO NOT have to get offended.  It’s a choice we make to choose PEACE and avoid STRIFE.

Proverbs  26:17, 20-22 17  He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own Is like one who takes a dog by the ears. 20 Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. 21 As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife. 22 The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body.

AMPLIFIED BIBLE   17 He who, passing by, stops to meddle with strife that is none of his business is like one who takes a dog by the ears. 20 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention ceases. 21 As coals are to hot embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man to inflame strife. 22 The words of a whisperer or slanderer are like dainty morsels or words of sport [to some, but to others are like deadly wounds]; and they go down into the innermost parts of the body [or of the victim’s nature].


1.   When someone hurts your feelings and you get offended, it’s the devil trying to trap you.

2.   If you stay offended it will affect your prayer life, and your fellowship with others.

3.    You begin to gossip and become a talebearer feeling justified because of hurt feelings.

4.   You now begin to spread strife all over the body of Christ, spreading offense

5.   Now others are in strife and are upset at the person who hurt you, and it’s YOUR FAULT.

Example, you are in a line at the grocery store and someone cuts in line in front of you.  So you turn around and talk about them to the person behind you. “oh, I hope I don’t get in their way…I guess they’re in a hurry … ha ha”

Rather than choosing to get offended, choose to sow mercy and forgiveness.


1.   When someone hurts you and you feel hurt, you refuse to take the bait of offense

2.   You pray for the person rather than talk to others about the person who hurt you

3.   You speak to others GOOD about this person, focusing on the positive, not negative

4.   You spread mercy for this person all over the Body of Christ

5.   Now others will not be upset at this person and will show them mercy because you chose to forgive.

Galatians 5:13, 24      13 For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.

1.   Have the attitude; I am free to serve others in love!  How exciting life is when you live the freedom of  unselfishness and not serving under the bondage of selfishness.

2.   This does not mean we become a doormat.  The Holy Spirit will tell you when to confront someone and other times to leave it alone. (don’t be moved by anger nor fear)

24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Why is a graveyard quiet?

Everyone is Dead!    Silence your flesh by not feeding it.

3.   The devil knows what upsets you better than you do.  The only way to crucify your flesh is to stop feeding it.

4.   The next time you feel your flesh rise up you choose PEACE and receive God’s GRACE.  The more you do this the easier it will get to crucify your flesh.

5.   The next time the devil tries to push your button and it doesn’t respond, you know you have died in that area.

6.   Ask God for His help and grace to help you die in that area of your flesh

7.   God will empower you by His grace to overcome and walk in His Love and not in the flesh.